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Dealing with a Broken Heart: ‘The Him and Her Issue’

With every breath, the pain deepens.

Where does it come from, this never-ending supply of ache?

With the tear filled eyes, he gazes at the stars.

They meant something else before.

A tear rolls down his cheeks.

A stinging pain emanates from his bitter insides.

He quickly shifts his gaze to the trees.

The midnight moonlight lingers, peacefully.

Nothing seems to stir.

Everything’s so still.

Except his heart.

Where there’s a raging storm.

The volcanoes of anger mixed with helplessness erupt in his mind.

His soul’s screaming for help.

The heart’s been broken.

Into a million little, tiny pieces.

‘Why me? What did I do to deserve such a life?’

But there’s no one to turn to…

…except the Only One…

Yet, he’s lost Him too tonight…

He lost Him, the day he found the path to desires and temptations.

That very day, when he let himself prostrate to his Nafs.

Yes that very day, he thought he had found whom he’d been looking for.

The day, he found her.

But lost himself to Shaytaan.

***

Bismillah:

O you who believe! Fear Allâh and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allâh. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what you do.  And be not like those who forgot Allâh (i.e. became disobedient to Allâh) and He caused them to forget their ownselves, (let them to forget to do righteous deeds). Those are the Fâsiqûn (rebellious, disobedient to Allâh). [Surah Hashr, 59:18-19]

***

Asalamoalaykum warahmatullah,

We’ve all met someone who’s dealing with a broken heart. Or some of us may have experienced it ourselves.

How many people’s youth has the Shaytaan destroyed?

How many hearts has he played with?

The reality is that we all need to feel that we belong.

When all of a sudden, someone tries to give us more attention than what is halal, then most people get excited. Nine out of ten times, most people are unable to take the halal route. That could be for a number of reasons. But let’s not go there. Because if we do, we are more likely to waste our time in the blame-game. We certainly don’t want to do that.

So then the haraam becomes so very easy.

And before the two individuals realize, they’ve incurred upon themselves not only the Wrath of Allah SWT but also some gut-wrenching consequences.

Hearts are fragile.

They will always break.

In fact, I say that they must break. As often as possible.

But only in His Obedience.

Instead of you being forced by Allah SWT by the sudden change of events to shed those tears of repentance, shed them now.

I request you to break your heart today in His Obedience.

I request you to break your heart by staying away from something which you so strongly want but you know in your heart that it is not right.

With the strength of emotions with which you miss him/her, I ask you to compare how much you miss Him when you don’t have a conversation with Him in the last part of the night.

I could tell you what’s haraam, what’s halal and could just say ‘tough luck buddy’ and leave.

But I know that many Muslim brothers and sisters have been facing challenges related to this topic. I’m from you and you’re all from me. I meet people like you almost every week. I know what you’re going through. I care for you all and I want you all to recognize that Allah SWT has not left you alone.

I also want you to understand that it was you who forgot Him in the process. He SWT doesn’t need you. You need Him.

So if you trust me as a Muslim sister, then know that what I’m about to say may seem difficult but inshaa’Allah, it will bring relief. I swear by Allah SWT that it will. Swallow it like bitter medicine but please co-operate for your own good. Because from here onwards, either you can make a conscience decision to let your life go downhill as Shaytan uses you as a puppet OR you can take control and take the steps which will pull you out from this Pit of Darkness. This life is yours and you must help yourself. Nobody’s going to live your life for you and nobody’s going to set it right, except you yourself by the Help of Allah SWT.

***

Things you must do if there’s no halal way out:

  • Cut off contact with that person immediately. Whether you were in touch with them online or whether you used to meet them wherever. Avoid the locations you feel you’ll end up bumping into them. Delete them from your social network and/or from your contact list.
    • Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said: Contact between those who are in love in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).[As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).]
  • Delete all their messages from cellphone. Delete your email address. If you can’t do that then block them. Most brothers and sisters find this to be extremely hard. Get someone to do this for you if you can’t.
  • Don’t respond in any way if they try to contact you. Remember, if you go back to your old ways, then Allah SWT can give you a life full of misery and pain.
  • Basically destroy everything that you think would remind you of them.
  • Also, cut off all those evil friends who encouraged you to do haraam. People of your past may not be on the same level of Eeman as you and may still be stuck with the same mentality of a person to whom sinning is appealing. They might even accuse you or remind you of your past to humiliate you. Know that it’s Shaytaan enticing them because he knows you’re vulnerable. 
    • So be on your guard and do not pay any heed to them, ask Allah to help you to deal with them and say: “Hasbi Allaah wa ni’m al-wakeel (Allaah is Sufficient for me and He is the Best Disposer of affairs).” When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was afraid of a people, he would say: “Allaahumma innaa naj’aluka fi nuhoorihim wa na’oodhu bika min shuroorihim (O Allaah, we ask You to seize them by their throats and we seek refuge with You from their evil).” (Reported by Ahmad and Abu Dawood; see also Saheeh al-Jaami, 4582).

***

While you’re doing the above few things, you must make few lifestyle changes:
  • Try your best to increase your Eeman. Contact your local Masjid and be more active with them. Attend more Islamic gatherings and volunteer actively so that you’re around people who remember Allah SWT.
  • Fill up your ‘idle’ slots of your life with something constructive to prevent the mind from wandering into thoughts that’ll hurt you. If you’re driving, play an engaging Islamic lecture. If you’re using the public transport, carry an iPod or mp3 player with Islamic lectures which you’ll enjoy listening to.
  • Whenever you feel any heartache, do WuDoo’, get your prayer mat, and offer Salah as long as it’s not during the forbidden timings. Allow yourself the time and privacy to cry your heart out to Allah SWT. That’ll just increase the value of your Salah. Make a sincere duaa’ to Him after praying and express your helplessness to Him during prostrations. If you can’t pray for some reason, then go hide in a corner and make duaa’ to Allah SWT to forgive you and grant you patience.
  • Start reading the Quraan at least one page every day with translation. Inshaa’Allah you’ll long for that peaceful time of the day when you’re with the Quraan.
  • Change the setting of your room/house. Change your routine. Physical cues help send signals to the brain/soul and help prepare it for what’s to come.Change always refreshes a person and assures them that life is going to move on and so should they.
  • Contrary to popular opinion and assumption, locking yourself in won’t make you feel better. Be around your family and good friends. The best thing that works for most people is when they serve people around them. When people start realizing that living for others is a much greater purpose of life than living for themselves alone, they find more joy in life’s simplest pleasures . Fulfill rights of parents, siblings, relatives and neighbours. Do their groceries, wash their cars, mow their backyards, give a foot massage to your parents. Read a book to the younger ones, offer to babysit children for free and most importantly spread warmth. The more you spread warmth around yourself, the more it’ll grow within you.
  • Whenever you feel like blaming someone/yourself for what happened to you, shake yourself and tell yourself that it was part of Allah SWT’s Plan. Yes, you took the steps, you slipped. But what are you going to do about it now? Are you going to get angry at Allah SWT or are you going to correct yourself? Because let me tell you, Allah SWT is more capable of Anger, He SWT has every Right of getting more angrier at you because you disobeyed him and sinned. Right now, He SWT could snatch away your ability to see,to hear, to walk. Afterall, what’s so special about you that He SWT grants you those blessings? How many of us have seen blind and physically challenged people? How many of us have seen homeless individuals? How many of us know people who are suffering terribly? God forbid, but we could be in their place. This is what I tell people when they have serious problems with Qadr and write it somewhere to remind yourself: everything in this world that you get is not your right, it’s your privilege. It’s not your right to get the best job, best spouse, best children, best house, easy lifestyle. If it were then how come other people don’t have it? Does Allah SWT love you more because you do special ‘Ibadah or something and that’s why He’s given you all those blessings? No! He SWT is Al Kareem, He SWT gives to us even if we don’t deserve it, even if we don’t ask for it. And a good-for-nothing human being has the arrogance of getting upset! Who ARE you? Don’t you remember your origin, how you were a piece of shapeless clot and He SWT fashioned you into a full-fleshed and full-boned healthy human being! Think about that, please.
  • Touch other people’s lives who’s hearts are broken just like yours. Only the blind knows what it feels like to be blind. You know how it feels, go run to their aid. Be an answer to their duaa for help. Share a kind word. Be non-judgemental and direct people towards Allah SWT. Don’t tell them it’s ‘okay’ to sin but don’t make them feel that it’s ‘the end of the world’. Doors of Mercy are open 24 hours , 365 days a year, every year.
  • Eat healthy and get physically active!
***
Dear brother/sister, let these stories soften your hearts:
  • Bakr ibn Abdullah al-Muzani is the narrator of this story:

 There was once a butcher who fell in love with the daughter of his neighbors. One day, the girl’s parents sent her on an errand to the neighboring town. Seeing that she was alone, the butcher follwed her until she reached a seculeded place, where he made his presence known to her. When he tried to seduce her, the girl said, “Do not do so! Indeed, I love you even more than you love me, but I fear Allah.”

 The butcher’s jaws dropped and he said in self-reproach, “You fear Allah and I don’t!” He left her alone and repented for his intentions.

 On his way back, he became extremely thirsty. He soon came across a Prophet from the Prophets of the Children of Israel. Noticing the expression on the butcher’s face, the Prophet asked, “What is the matter with you?”

 “Extreme thirst,” said the butcher.

 “Let us go supplicate to Allah for rain.”

 “I have no good deed that makes my supplication worthy of being answered,” said the butcher.

 “Then let me invoke Allah while you say ‘Ameen’ to my invocations,” said the Prophet.

 He then began to supplicate, and the butcher said, ‘Ameen,’ after each of the supplications.

 Suddenly, a cloud appeared, rain fell from it into the nearby town, after which it approached the two men. Wherever the butcher walked, the cloud followed after him, instead of hovering over the Prophet.

 “You claim that you have no good deeds,” said the Prophet. “Yet despite the fact that it was I who suplicated while you said ‘ameen’ the cloud shaded the city and then it followed you. What is your story?”

 The butcher the told him what happened with his neighbor’s daughter.

 “One who repents to Allah has a ranking that no other person can achieve,” said the Prophet.

  • Ibn Mas’ud narrated that the Prophet said:“Indeed, Allah is more happy with the repentance of His slave than a man who stops in a barren, desolate land; with him he has his riding animal. He then goes to sleep. When he wakes up, [he realizes that] his mount is gone. He searches for it until he is on the verge of dying. He then says, ‘I will return to the place wherein I lost it, and I will die there.’ He went to that place, and he was then overcome by sleep. When he woke up, his mount was [standing] right beside his head: on it was his food, his drink, his provisions, and the things he neded. Allah is more happy with the repentance of his believing slave than the aforementioned man when he finds his mount and his provisions.” [al-Bukhaari: 6308 ; Muslim: 2744]
  • One year, when al-Asma’i was on his way to perform hajj, a bedouin carrying a large sword and a long spear confronted him. It was quite obvious that he was a highway robber. He came near al-Asma’i and instead of fleeing or attempting to escape, al-Asma’i drew nearer to him. He extended greetings of peace to the robber. The latter responded and then asked, “Where are you from?””I am a poor man on a journey,” was al-Asma’i’s reply.”Do you have anything with you?” asked the robber.”Yes, I have with me the Quran,” answered al-Asma’i.”And what is the Quran?” asked the robber.”It is the speech of Allah ‘Azza wa Jall,” said al-Asma’i.”And does Allah have speech?””Yes,” replied al-Asma’i.”Then let me hear some of His speech,” said the robber.Al-Asma’i recited the following verse:وَفِي السَّمَاء رِزْقُكُمْ وَمَا تُوعَدُونَAnd in the heaven is your provision, and that which you are promised[adh-Dhaariyaat : 22]When the robber heard these words, he began to cry, and threw down his sword and spear, and said, “Perish the highway robber, who seeks sustenence on the Earth, when it is really in the heavens!”Al-Asma’i was very much pleased to see the quick transformation of the robber. On the following year, when al-Asma’i went to perform Hajj again, he saw the former robber- whose face now had the signs of faith written on it- clinging to the curtain of the Kaa’ba. It was late in the night and he was saying, “O my Lord, the eyes are sleeping and every loved one is with his beloved. The gates of all kings are now closed, but Your gate is open to those who ask of You. Would that I knew whether You accepted this night of worship from me…”[Source: Kalamullah]
***
Set the record straight NOW! Ensure that you do it now or try not to die today and the upcoming days in which you delay the following:
  • Prayer of Repentance (Tawbah): The scholars are unanimously agreed that the prayer of repentance is prescribed in sharee’ah. Abu Dawood (1521) narrated that Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no one who commits a sin then purifies himself well and stands and prays two rak’ahs, then asks Allaah for forgiveness, but Allaah will forgive him. Then he recited this verse: ‘And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allaah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allaah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know’ [Aal ‘Imraan 3:135].” Classed as sahaah by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
    • Learn more about it here.
  • Salah to your Rescue:  Guard your Salah and pray on time! Ibn Mas’ood said: “A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I found a woman in a garden and I did everything with her (kissing and fondling) except that (intercourse), so do with me as you will.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not say anything, and the man went away. ‘Umar said: ‘Allaah covered his sin. He should have covered it himself.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) followed the man with his gaze and said: ‘Bring him back to me.’ So they brought him back, and (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited to him: ‘And perform al-salaah (prayer) at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e., small sins). That is a reminder for the mindful (those who accept advice)’ [Hood 11:114 – interpretation of the meaning].” According to the report narrated by ‘Umar, Mu’aadh said: “O Messenger of Allaah, is this just for him or does it apply to all the people?” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No, it applies to all the people.” (Reported by Muslim)
  • Compensate for the Rights of those whom you’ve hurt: So if you’ve hurt people in the process of your sinning whether it’s people close to you or strangers. Seek forgiveness from them in the manner that is most beautiful. Humble yourself to them. If after trying everything, nothing works, give SadaQah (charity) on their behalf to compensate for the hurt you’ve caused to them. Mostly people say they forgive but they’ve been so badly hurt that they have that pain inside. You want to make sure you try your best to remove the pain you’ve caused because:
    • Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “He upon whom his brother has a right, be it of the nature of money or honor, let him compensate for it before he is made to compensate for it on a day when there will be neither dinar nor dirham to deal with. Instead, if he has a good deed in his account it will be taken away from him and given to the person he had wronged. And if he has no good deed in his account, sins of the other person will be taken from him and added to his account” (Bukhari).
    • So add good deeds to their account and give charity on their behalf, repenting to Allah SWT so that on the Day of Judgement, the good deeds from your account aren’t taken and given to them because that’s when you’ll need every single good deed to save you from trouble.
  • Guard your senses: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and hopes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim (2657).
  • Develop independency from Dunia and its people in a healthy manner:
    • It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever is mainly concerned about the Hereafter, Allaah will make him feel independent of others and will make him focused and content, and his worldly affairs will fall into place. But whoever is mainly concerned with this world, Allaah will make him feel in constant need of others and will make him distracted and unfocused, and he will get nothing of this world except what is decreed for him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2389; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6510).
    • Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/135):  If the heart loves Allaah alone and is sincerely devoted to Him, it will not even think of loving anyone else in the first place, let alone falling in love. When a heart falls in love, that is due to the lack of love for Allaah alone. Hence because Yoosuf loved Allaah and was sincerely devoted to Him, he did not fall into the trap of love, rather Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  “Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves” [Yoosuf 12:24] As for the wife of al-‘Azeez, she was a mushrik as were her people, hence she fell into this trap.
      • Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/185): If a man is in love with a woman, even if she is permissible for him, his heart remains enslaved to her, and she can control him as she wishes, even though outwardly he appears to be her master, because he is her husband; but in fact he is her prisoner and slave, especially if she is aware of his need and love for her. In that case, she will control him like a harsh and oppressive master controls his abject slave who cannot free himself from him. Rather he is worse off than that, because enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body.
      • He also said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/133):If he is tested with love but he remains chaste and is patient, then he will be rewarded for fearing Allaah. It is known from shar’i evidence that if a person remains chaste and avoids haraam things in looking, word and deeds, and he keeps quiet about it and does not speak of it, so that there will be haraam talk about that, whether by complaining to another person or committing evil openly, or pursuing the beloved one in any way, and he is patient in obeying Allaah and avoiding sin, despite the pain of love that he feels in his heart, just as one who is afflicted with a calamity bears the pain of it with patience, then he will be one of those who fear Allaah and are patient, “Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers) to be lost” [Yoosuf 12:90].
    • Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (147):If love occurs for a reason that is not haraam, the person is not to be blamed, such as one who loved his wife or slave woman, then he separated from her but the love remained and did not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. Similarly if there was a sudden glance then he averted his gaze, but love took hold of his heart without him meaning it to, he must, however, ward it off and resist it.
  • Duaa for Anxiety & Sorrow: In a Saheeh hadeeth from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him): “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief, and replace it with joy.

  • Accept your Mistakes:  Despite the fact that it was Qadr, know that you had the freewill to stop from sinning but you didn’t. And since you didn’t, you’re the one who’s to blame for your misdeeds. Best thing is to accept it and seek forgiveness then. One can also say “Laa ilaaha illa Anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen (none has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allaah), Glorified (and Exalted) be You [above all that (evil) they associate with You]! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers)” [al-Anbiya 21:87 – interpretation of the meaning].
  •  Physical Relief through Surah Al Fatihah: if you feel that the pain is affecting you physically and that you need to seek medical help then before you do that, I suggest you seek hope from this hadith. This is not a fable, myth or a legend. This is real stuff. And yes you can be cured. The only thing is that you must have firm conviction that Words of Allah SWT are more powerful than all the medicines in this world and they can heal you. If they don’t heal you then there’s problem in you and your spiritual state but not His Words:
    • Sahih Bukhari Hadith (Volume 7, Number 632): Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him), ‘Some of the companions of the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) came across a tribe amongst the tribes of the Arabs, and that tribe did not entertain them. While they were in that state, the chief of that tribe was bitten by a snake (or stung by a scorpion). They said, (to the companions of the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) ), “Have you got any medicine with you or anybody who can treat with Ruqya?” The Prophet’s (prayers and peace be upon him) companions said, “You refuse to entertain us, so we will not treat (your chief) unless you pay us for it.” So they agreed to pay them a flock of sheep. One of them (the Prophet’s (prayers and peace be upon him) companions) started reciting Surat-al-Fatiha and gathering his saliva and spitting it (at the snake-bite). The patient got cured and his people presented the sheep to them, but they said, “We will not take it unless we ask the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) (whether it is lawful).” When they asked him, he smiled and said, “How do you know that Surat-al-Fatiha is a Ruqya? Take it (flock of sheep) and assign a share for me.” ‘
  • Morning and Evening Adhkaar(Supplications): hold onto them as if they are the most important things in your life for by Allah, they are! You will notice an evident increase in your Tawakul (reliance) on Allah SWT if you say them with conviction. You will feel that your days are not as stressful. You will feel lighter and you will feel that Allah SWT will protect you from all physical and emotional harms inshaa’Allah. You can download the duaa’ book here.
  • Make a commitment to seek knowledge about Allah SWT. What I mean is that get to know Allah SWT. Get to know about His Names and Attributes. This will soothe your heart. A small example is from Ayatul Kursi. Note the bolded text: Allâh! Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), the Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists. Neither slumber, nor sleep overtake Him. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on earth. Who is he that can intercede with Him except with His Permission? He knows what happens to them (His creatures) in this world, and what will happen to them in the Hereafter . And they will never compass anything of His Knowledge except that which He wills. His Kursî[] extends over the heavens and the earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them. And He is the Most High, the Most Great.[Suratul Baqarah, 2:255].
    • So when you recognize that neither slumber nor sleep overtakes Him, you will also internalize that all those moments in the deepest parts of the night…when you remember Him and called onto Him as you shed tears…even if the whole world was asleep peacefully, He SWT wasn’t. He knows what you’ve been through! You don’t need to tell the world how terribly hurt you are. The One who can change your life knows. The One who matters the most, knows everything. Therefore, in this manner when you start living with His Names and Attributes, your life will become much smoother and relaxed.
  • Make a commitment to learn more about the Book of Allah SWT and ponder over its meanings: 
    • “And We send down of the Qur’aan that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe” [Surah al-Isra’, 17:82]
    • You will come across stories of the Prophets. Why were the stories of the Prophets narrated to Rasuallah SAW? To strengthen him, to make him understand that Prophets before you faced the same trials and that’s how they triumphed. So we should use these stories too because Prophets were humans just like us. In fact Prophets were sent as humans and not Angels due to this very reason, i.e. so that we can relate to them. And Allah SWT knows best.
      • “And all that We relate to you (O Muhammad) of the news of the Messengers is in order that We may make strong and firm your heart thereby. And in this (chapter of the Qur’aan) has come to you the truth, as well as an admonition and a reminder for the believers” [Surah Hood, 11:120]
  • Connect with the Seerah of Rasulalah SAW and the Seerah of the Sahaba and trust me, you won’t feel alone in your trials. You will suddenly feel as if your problems are so insignificant. So much so that you will start crying over the trials the Prophet SAW and the Sahaba and the Sahabiat went through…and you will forget your problems.
***
Always remember:
  • Accidents don’t happen without a reason. Whatever happened to you, happened for a reason. Allah SWT is teaching you a lesson. He SWT doesn’t hate you. It’s just that you were not going to learn until He SWT made you go through this process of hurt.
  • Move on. If things didn’t work out with someone then know that even if that person seemed perfect, he/she wasn’t perfect for you. Allah SWT knows but you did not and do not.
  • Things WILL change. Have reliance on Allah SWT and know that things will not stay the same. They will get better and you will have a normal life. Everyone’s been through difficult times and nobody’s died of a heartache. In fact, people have only bounced back stronger and have grown to become most spiritually-beautiful individuals. But only people who do something about their lives, actually change. You can’t just expect things to change without you trying hard enough.
  • Cash it in. Use this as a golden opportunity to come closer to Allah SWT because you know better than me that at this point of your life, you will be more sincere in your duaas. So ask Him everything for Akhira and Dunia.
  • Allah SWT is never going to desert you. He SWT will never forget you until you forget Him. So if you feel that your link with Allah SWT is weak then you must work to make it stronger for He SWT has already provided us with everything to make it stronger. We’re just too lazy to take the steps.
    • Allāh Says, as is in the Hadīth Qudsī reported by al-Bukhārī and Muslim: “I am as my slave expects Me to be, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself. And if he remembers Me in a group, I make mention of him in a group better than it. And if he comes near to Me by a handspan, I come near to him by an armspan. And if he comes near to Me by an armspan, I come near to him by the span of an outstretched arm. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running.
  • Let go. Forgive, forgive and forgive some more. It’ll be an every day struggle. Forgive and forget. Remember that Allah SWT forgives even though He SWT has the Right not to. Then how can we hold grudges?
    • “The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better, then verily! He between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.” [Surah Fussilat 41:34]
      •  “Repel (the evil) with one which is better,” means that when someone treats you badly, answer back with something better, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “There is no better punishment for the person who sinned by being bad to you, than your obeying Allaah by being good to him in return.” (Tafseer Ibn Kathir)
    • “And let not those among you who are blessed with graces and wealth swear not to give (any sort of help) to their kinsmen, Al-Masâkîn (the poor), and those who left their homes for Allâh’s Cause. Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allâh should forgive you? And Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Surah An-Noor, 24:22]
    • Recall what happened to Rasulalah SAW when he visited At-Ta’if. Did he SAW curse them? He instead made duaa for them. And later on when ‘Aisha RA asked him and he said that the most difficult time in his life was the incident of At-Taif.
  • Find out what awaits you in Paradise. If you’re patient, then there’s something better waiting for you in Akhira. Just your belief in Akhirah must be strong enough. Check out this phenomenal story.
  • Thank and be content: Know that Allah SWT is on your side and expect the best from Him at all times! A Muslim never ever despairs and always harbors good thoughts about his/her Rabb. Thank Allah SWT that you’re alive and verbalize that you’re content with Him as your Rabb because don’t forget you’re on this Earth not for a joy-ride. You’re here to worship Him! So you’re his slave and He’s Your Master. Therefore, articulate that to Him in the most sincere manner:
***
SubhanAllah, there’s so much that could be said on this topic but I’m going to stop right here inshaa’Allah because I don’t want to delay posting this. And I’ll keep updating this post as I find more time to research for verses and ahadith inshaa’Allah.
Recommended Links which almost all are my favourite books/compilation of articles:
***
JazakummAllahu khayran to all the brothers and sisters who were motivation for this messy write-up. May Allah SWT ease your pains, lighten your burdens, make you steadfast, forgive all your sins and resurrect you amongst those of excellent companionship of Prophets, Shuhada, Siddiqeen, Sawliheen…i.e. Rafeeq al ‘Ala. Ameen.
Ya Rabb, I ask you for Rafeeqal ‘Ala tonight for myself, for all those who know me and all those who read this. Soothe our hearts and help us focus on the real purpose of our lives. As for me, O Allah, you know me better than myself, so purify me and grant me the death of a slave with whom You’re Pleased with. Please let not my words be an evidence against me and use me to guide others as a good example. Rabbi habli hukmu’o walhiqni bi’sawliheen, waj-‘alee fee lisani sidqin fil akhireen. Ameen.
And Allah SWT knows best.
Note: Any error/misinterpretation/weakness in expression and conveying the message is from the deficiency of my intellect, knowledge, scarcity of my good deeds and from the evil of my Nafs/ego/sins. Therefore any mistake you find, it’s open to criticism. Anything good you find here or in any of my posts is from Allah SWT Alone. To Him Belongs All Praise and from Him we ask His Forgiveness because to Him we shall return.
Whatever I could type, I tried my best. Please forgive me if there’s anything in it this post that offends anyone.  If it’s beneficial, please pass it on.
One last thing: make an intention to start healing your heart before Ramadan starts! You want to make sure that this Ramadan of yours is different from all the previous ones inshaa’Allah!
Ending with a request to be remembered in your duaas…
Best wishes,
-Umm Sulaym
P.S. This is not copyright. Please free to spread it without giving me any credit. I have no issues at all. But please just don’t distort the message inshaa’Allah. JazakumAllahu khayran.
.:Walhamdulilahi-rabbil-Aa’lameen:.
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One comment on “Dealing with a Broken Heart: ‘The Him and Her Issue’

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