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Sadness Engulfs my Heart

The heart is not trying to question my Rabb’s Wisdom and Mercy. May my body never live to witness such a day.

However, it cannot stop itself from being extremely sad.

I’ve never in my entire life been so sad. SubhanAllah.

Never knew the horrors of this world could affect me so closely.

Time since the end of Ramadan has been full of ‘inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi raji’-oons‘.

I cannot seem to go through a single day without reminding myself of the fact that indeed I have to return to Allah SWT and that this whole challenge is going to come to an end one day when the Angel of Death visits me. It puts everything in perspective.

I can’t seem to lift my head from this fog, to be able to breathe freshly.

I hope my emotions are not negating the Shukr that I so earnestly seek to show through my actions.

‘She has moved and is now staying with another family because they can’t seem to afford to keep the house in the current situation.’

Is that what a woman, who used to be always there for others, has to go through when it is her time of need? No brother or sister coming forth to help?

A woman who gave her time, love, her husband’s time…to help the Ummah?

Is that the fate of a family which dedicates its life to passing on the legacy of seeking knowledge?

Is that the end result of a woman married to a Talib ul-‘ilm? A woman who suffered what he suffered in his pursuit of knowledge, the challenges they faced together when he studied abroad… and now suffers when he’s being oppressed.

SubhanAllah, it’s too much for me to take. I cannot stop the waterworks. I cannot at all.

I know Allah SWT loves them so very much and I’m very sure Allah SWT has blessed them with patience and contentment. I know their status is being elevated with every trial they face. I know all that and I am happy for them.

But I’m sad because I can’t do anything for them. I can’t visit them. I can’t donate. I can’t start a campaign.

I can’t do anything for a brother and sister whom I regarded as my parents.

I can’t help raise their children. I can’t hug them. I can’t make their ‘Eids bearable.

We know that Allah SWT takes care of the children whose father is a Salih. We have evidence in Suratul Kahf.

But I feel as if I have betrayed a Muslim’s right. That I’m not doing my part.

I don’t know.

My table is full and I ache and wonder how things are with them.

Does nobody feel their pain?

Is everyone too thick-skinned?

Or maybe I have a very weak Eeman…Allahu ‘Alam…

Allah SWT will fill the void. I know He SWT will. But I want to be the one whom Allah SWT uses to fill that void.

I want to carry the torch.

I want to do TawaSi bil-haq and TawaSi bis-Sabr.

With such a huge number of people getting affected, I want to repair the damage.

I want to teach. I want to remind.

They always taught people to be patient! SubhanAllah!

He used to say that there’s going to be ‘adha’ that’s going to come with seeking knowledge…how true were the brother’s words…

May Allah SWT hasten the brother’s release, give him istiqamah, protect his families, his students and all those who were reminded about Allah SWT by his talks. Ameen.

Verse that gives me the motivation to continue and for all those who are going through similar challenges…please always remember:

If a good befalls you, it grieves them, but if some evil overtakes you, they rejoice at it. But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqûn , not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allâh surrounds all that they do.

[Surat Ale Imraan, 3:120]

***

May Allah SWT protect us from the waswasa, and the attempts of Shaytan to put us into sadness.Ameen.

***

A Serious Request:

Please make duaa for the rest of Ummah’s security especially for those who love Allah SWT very much and remind people about Him! Please don’t forget them in your daily duaas…please don’t! How can we not value these self-less people who devoted their lives to His Remembrance and to the service of His Creation? At least in duaas? Duaa is the weapon of the believer! Please use it not only for yourself but for the rest of the Ummah! The children of the Ummah are your children. The brothers’ aches are your aches. The sisters’ tears’ are your tears. We are one because we worship only the One. Please come forth and become part of the solution! Please don’t turn a deaf ear to this request. Please make duaa in your next Salah or even spend a minute right now. One duaa only! Is it too much to ask for? Especially since duaas have a bounce back effect…the Angels says ameen for you as well!  And as you make duaa, please make duaa for your guidance…let not any opportunity to seek knowledge go to waste. EVEN if it means  making sacrifices…knowledge is very very important in today’s time when there are so many people (Shayateen) casting doubts…

Words fail me tonight. Can’t even express what I feel.

Allahul Mustaa’n…

And Allah SWT knows best.

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