بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I had a heated but interesting discussion with a sister regarding polygyny. Somehow that word is enough as a trigger to blaze people’s eyes with fiery displeasure for obvious reasons.
While I perfectly knew where she was coming from, I wanted to drive a certain message home that we must be pleased with the Sunnah of Rasulalah salalahu ‘alayhi wasalam. As to how it’s being practised nowadays then there we can express our displeasure inshaa’Allah to come up with solutions.
Some mustahabb acts can become haraam if there is any transgression in them since every case is unique and fulfilling rights of people is obligatory on us. And some mustahabb acts can become obligatory if there’s fear for haraam. It was the latter point she was struggling with. She just didn’t understand how and why. Actually she came from a background in which men are more inclined to polygyny and I guess due to culture and unhealthy practices, she’s become allergic to such a concept. It’s almost insulting for a regular woman to deal with it.
But I think for a Muslim woman it is very different.
If and when a criminal is caught, he’s asked to drop his weapons on the floor and raise his arms/hands in the air to show surrender.
That’s how I see Islam but in a positive light.
I and any Muslim (male or female) should drop all the baggage of their ego, pride, personal grudges/opinions/likes/dislikes, negative emotions on the floor as soon as we plan to enter the threshold of Islam. You drop everything right there and then, raise your hands in the air to submit and surrender to Rabb al ‘Alameen, ready to prostrate to Him, ready to obey Him in any way. This is not to say that you don’t use your intellect. You use it. But don’t put it at a pedestal where instead God should be put.
SubhanAllah, it makes a world of a difference in your attitude towards life because you know you’re not submitting to any human’s will/desire. It gives a believer so much peace because you know that whatever He SWT allowed is ultimately good for his mind, his health, his honor, his lineage and his wealth…as well as entire community’s. If there was anyone in this world who wouldn’t submit to any human, that would be ‘Umar bin Khattab RA. But when it came to Allah SWT’s Commands, he RA was as humble as a submissive slave. Likewise we have many examples from the life of the Sahaba/Salaf (may Allah SWT be pleased with them all.ameen.)
We tend to forget our place when it comes to our relationship with Allah SWT. We forget that we are the slaves. It’s one thing to be a slave of some worldly master. It’s totally another to be a slave of Allah SWT. Slaves usually have no say in what their Master decides for them. I’m sure all of us have seen documentaries on the Black Slave Trade and have a basic understanding of slavery. Alhamdolilah for His Mercy, we have freedom of choice as slaves and that He SWT has placed Fascinating Signs in this world so that we get attracted to His ‘Uboodiyah (or worship). It just so well in-grained in our fitrah as humans. It’s innate. When we get amazed, we are more inclined to worship the source of amazement. We are not pressurized or oppressed into obeying Allah SWT. We do it because we love Him enough and we fear His Displeasure, hoping to reach His Pleasure one day inshaa’Allah.
There are trials ordained for all groups in this world and although we are asked not to wish for trials, we must be aware of their existence. Different for parents, very different for the children, some for the leaders and some for the followers. Likewise, different for the male and therefore also for the female. Each gender has his/her own set of things to deal with in this world and accordingly their own sets of things that they’d be accountable for on the day of Judgement. Instead of making it hard for each other, Muslims of both genders should facilitate understanding and application of the beautiful Sunnah of Rasulalah salalahu ‘alayhi wasalam. We must not ridicule, mock and rebuke each other, be insensitive and nor should be apologetic and hide issues under the carpet. We must help each other in mutual obedience to Allah SWT and teach each other gently who our Rabb is. Because once I am at peace with Allah SWT and thus His Rasool, then I don’t need to be given arguments that in year so-and-so there will be more females than males. So as a result such a Sunnah has come to rescue that ratio. For me it would be enough that Allah SWT allowed it. The One who saved me in my desperate times when I had no one. The Only One who provides for me and made me a Muslim without me asking Him. Alhamdolilah.
Why would I not submit to Him? Why would I not surrender all my personal distorted emotional baggage when I stand in front of Him? It’s worth pondering, isn’t it? The problem is within us and not the legislation. The problem is within our lack of recognition of our limitedness and not in His Infinite Wisdom.
إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَالْمُسْلِمَاتِ وَالْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْقَانِتِينَ وَالْقَانِتَاتِ وَالصَّادِقِينَ وَالصَّادِقَاتِ وَالصَّابِرِينَ وَالصَّابِرَاتِ وَالْخَاشِعِينَ وَالْخَاشِعَاتِ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقِينَ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقَاتِ وَالصَّائِمِينَ وَالصَّائِمَاتِ وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ وَالْحَافِظَاتِ وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتِ أَعَدَّ اللَّهُ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةً وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا
وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلَا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ ۗ وَمَن يَعْصِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ ضَلَّ ضَلَالًا مُّبِينًا
Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so – for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.
It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly strayed into clear error.
[Surat’l Ahzaab, 33:35-36]
رضيتُ بالله ربّاً وبالاسلام ديناً وبسيدنا محمد نبياً ورسولاً
And Allah SWT knows best.
May Allah SWT keep us steadfast on His Deen and make us strong enough such that Shaytan is unable to deviate us in our last moments in this dunia.